"Do you love me?

I love God. Or at least I try to love God. Well I want to Love God. I Do Love Him. At the end of the day, I do love Him. I fall short of living for Him the way I want to, but at the end of the day I do love Him. Jesus asked Peter, "Simon son of John do you Love me?" (John 21:17) Peter replied "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you." I am here in my prayers a lot. "God you know that I love you... I want to love you more... I want to know you, I want to walk with you, I want to be with you. I need you..." I love being in worship... in fact there's probably nothing in this world I love more. So it frustrates me so much when I look at the mediocrity in my disciplines... It can be the smallest things. I hear god speak so clearly, so often. Even about little things... Weather or not I should go to Tim Hortons and buy a coffee. But why is it that if I can hear the God of Heaven speak to ME clearly... "Jacob, you don't need that coffee... I want to teach you to be more financially responsible. I will provide for your needs. Trust me." Why is it that if I can hear him say that, I decide that in reality it doesn't matter, it just costs $1.49 and I think I can afford it, and I want it, that I try to ignore God and get the coffee? Does coffee taste that good that it is worth forsaking the God of Heaven for one cupfull? Is it worth it for all the coffee in the World? NO!!!!! It's not. I know it's not. I try to justify what I want however I think I can justify it so I can go on doing what I want to. Why should I expect God to trust me to be faithfull as a shepherd of His sheep if He can't even trust me with $1.45? Even the person in Jesus' parable who was blasted as an unfaithfull servant at least still had the one coin he had been entrusted with. He'd made no interest on it but at least he had what he started with. He didn't have to explain to his boss that, "Well, it really was good coffee..." But before I get carried away with this, I'm not trying to condemn myself or anyone for drinking coffee. I'm just looking at my disciplines and I see a big discrepancy between where I see myself and where I want to be and where I feel God wants me to be. I'm addicted to pleasure. Nice cars, fast computers, eating out... And none of those in and of themselves are sinful. They only become sinful when God says no and I say "ahh, it'll be okay..." I was praying about buying a new computer the other day and I actually really felt God opened the door for it and spoke pretty clearly that I needed to go ahead and do that. And it was kind of funny because I am already in debt and my mind was saying no, don't do it, cant afford it... I said to God "Well is this the best use of my finances? What about all the poor people in Africa?" It was funny because I actually heard Him say "Yeah but you wouldn't give it to Africa anyways." Well, what can you say? He knows me. I'm all for missions and do give to missions, aid etc, but in truth I don't think I've ever given anything for anyone in Africa. I know the needs there are phenominal, but there has been other missions, people etc I've been connected with and have given to both at home and overseas. It's funny though. God does know us.

U Suk!!!

I really suk at fasting. Just thought I'd mention that.