August

August... Hmm. Well that was fast. The summer here's great, but after August is September, when I'm supposed to be going down to Louisiana again to volunteer with Friendships http://www.friendships.org That's fine and exciting, In many ways I'm very much looking forward to it. In the practical sense, though, I'm not sure I'm ready. I feel as though I'm just taking off again, dropping everything, and going back to working on the ships, which basically would not be far from the truth... Except I don't feel I should do it that way. I need to plan this better, to finish this season well. Which has several factors, Relational, practical and financial. All of which are serious and important. Relational wise, I have a lot of very good friends here whom I love, some of whom depend on me in various ways. I don't want for a second to take that lightly or ever brush anyone off. Relating to those around us in a Godly and loving way is a central theme to Jesus' teaching and to my life. But having said that, the most important thing by far is to be listening to God's voice and obidient to do what He wants me to do, go where He wants me to go and be whom He is calling me to be. Looking back over my life I have always been a sort of nomad in a sense, close to those around me, but able to travel quickly and adapt to the situation and the needs around me. I have always joked that my home is wherever my car is parked, though often I have lived on ships also in various ports, ancorages or seas. I do adapt pretty quick and I love that life in many ways. In the practical sense, I have a lot of stuff I need to either get rid of, store or take with me. Since I don't really have any long range plan other than going back to volunteer on the ships, I'm not excited about storing stuff I won't be taking, but I'm also not excited to get rid of things I've spent the last however many years collecting so I can have a decent life ie. cars, microwave, tv, books, tools etc. etc. etc. The stuff really has cost a lot over the years and the cost wouldn't likely come close to being recovered. And then there's the financial end. I'm way in debt and I have no savings. I have a great job that I more or less enjoy, and a lot more seniority than I had before, so financially speaking quitting to go volunteer for no pay in another country sounds nuts. I guess some people have always thought I was sort of nuts, which is fine. My only real desire is to follow Christ with my whole heart, my life and all that I have. I have been in a lot of situations where I've felt God's direction to quit my job and go to sea or somewhere anyways, and He has always abundantly provided for my needs through a myriad of ways. I do not doubt His ability to provide. Nor do I doubt that the ways of God can seem foolishness to man. If it is His will for me to go back to Friendships or anywhere else, I know He will cover my needs. But I guess That is my basic hesitancy... Is God saying to do this, or am I bored with doing the same sorts of things day in and day out and just want to go back to the action and excitement of serving God in frontline missions on cool old cargo ships going to new places. I know that either decision will mean sacrifice, and both will have trials and joys. But I guess my biggest fear is not being who and where God wants me. But another fear is drifting into mediocrity, living for the sake of making money, spending it, making more, spending that etc. That life, has never brought me much joy. I like the things I've been able to buy, like anyone else, but it never satisfies. It's like a lyric to a song I wrote last year "Use me Lord, or take me out, for what else can I give but me." I mean that in the deepest way, I don't want to live just to support the Matrix, so to speak. I want to be the man God is calling me to be, or catch the next train out. I don't see much point in anything else. If that posting is in Winnipeg doing what I'm doing, then I want to stay, being obedient to God's will for my life, whatever that entails, and with whomever He leads me to be with. Bus driving, guitar playing or whatever. But if, for one more season, that is back on the sea, or wherever else, well then, I want to finish this season well, to the Glory of God and the blessing of everyone I know here, and then move on, as He leads me. Amen. I love your prayers. If anyone has any thoughts or a word they believe is from the Lord, please do not hesitate to email me or reply to this blog .

Nameless Girl

This is a song I wrote a few months ago about a girl I used to see working the streets early in the morning when I was delivering newspapers for the Free Press. I would guess she is about 13 or 14.

I see her in the morning as she's walking down my street, She's looking for someone to love her. Her long brown hair is beautifull, her smile shames the sun, And I can't help but thinking who would rob her. Of all she ever really held, her innocence and joy, The joy of being just a child... There's pain in her laughter now, there's fear in her smile, She's looking for someone who would use her. She thinks she needs a dollar, maybe two, maybe more, And somehow she thinks it can save her. Perhaps she owes somebody, or really craves a high, Or maybe it's really for her dinner. There's no way I will ever know, except just to trust her, The one thing that maybe I can give her. It's the one thing that maybe I can give her. It's the only thing... maybe I can give her.

I see her in the morning as she's walking down my street, She's looking for someone to love her. Her long brown hair is beautifull, her smile shames the sun, And I can't help but thinking who would rob her. Of all she ever really held, her innocence and joy, The joy of being just a child... There's pain in her laughter now, there's fear in her smile, As she waits for someone to use her. She thinks she needs a dollar, maybe two, maybe more, And somehow she thinks it can save her. Perhaps she owes somebody, or really craves a high, Or maybe it's really for her dinner. There's no way I will ever know, except just to love her, The one thing that maybe I can give her. For she could be my daughter, be my sister or my lover, But oh... she really needs a saviour. How, she's longing for a saviour. Oh, she wants someone to save her. Lord, she really needs a saviour. Oh my Lord, she's longing for a saviour...

I see her in the morning as she's walking down my street, She's looking for someone who would love her. Her long brown hair is beautifull, her smile shames the sun, And I can't help but thinking who would rob her? No I can't help but thinking who would rob her? I really can't help thinking... Who would rob her?

Copyright 2007, Jacob Blondahl

Just a post script on this one... A few days ago, in a field outside town, they found the body of a young girl said to be a prostitute who worked the area where I delivered my newspapers. I saw her picture in the paper. She was in fact 17. And she is no longer the "Nameless Girl" as I had titled the song. Her name was Fonessa Bruyere. But regardless of names and ages, I have to ask... How long will this go on? When will we as a people say enough is enough, and stand up to defend our children? HOW LONG??? May God have mercy on us all.

Return

"To the angel of the church in Ephesus write: These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands: I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from it's place. But you have this in your favor: You hate the practices of the Nicolatians, which I also hate. He who has an ear, Let him hear what the spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God." -Revelation 2:1-7 NIV

Rain

It's raining outside this morning. As I look out my window, I hear the tires shushing on the wet roads, hitting puddles. I think to myself it looks like Vancouver, except dirtyer. Now all the filth from months of sand trucks and salt is all bare. The ice is gone for the most part, and the garbage is left. Dirty streets, dirty windows, dirty everything. The rain is welcome, as it washes away the crud. It signifies to me that winter has lost her hold. She is dying and gone. Rain means new life. The grass will be green soon. The town will be alive again. I look forward to walking around at the forks, where the Assinaboine River pours into the Red River. I wonder if it will flood again this year? They say it wont, but then "They" have been wrong before. In fact I think that's what I will do this morning. I think I will go down to the Forks.

Anastasis: Resurection

I'm a sailor. I just know it. I feel it. I even sing it. This morning just before I woke up, I had a dream. I had been in an underground coal mine, forced into labour for some time, digging for some kind of treasure but under the watch of some oppressors. Then they went out for something and I and the few people I was with (I don't remember who they were) saw a crack of light and we knew we were near somewhere we could maybe get out. After some digging, and fear the mine might collapse, we got out, and then the scene changed. We were then on the Anastasis, which is a hospital ship run by Mercy Ships, a christian organization I used to volunteer with. The name Anastasis is Greek for Resurection. We were somewhere in or near Wales, UK. I was directly aft of the foc'sle and looking forward. The sun was shining bright and warm. We were underway, and the breeze was in my face as I faced forward. As I looked around the foc'sle deck (forward mooring and anchoring deck, foremost open deck on a ship) The paint was just glistening on everything, grey decks, white bulwarks, red firefighting hose station, black windlass, blue water tank vents, polished brass bell, It was all just so beautifull. As I stood there, facing forward, the breeze in my face, the warm sun, blue water, we were passing some rocky evergreen covered islands, I just remember thinking that I couldn't be happier. This was what I was made for. I'm a sailor. I need to be at Sea. The dream ended with that feeling as I think my alarm clock went off, but I sat there on the edge of my bed, eyes still groggy, with just that real joy in my heart that I had felt there on deck of that ship. I have a sense that the dream represents that I have been toiling away here, working for other people, but the chapter will be changing soon and a new season coming. I think the fact that I was on the Anastasis represents the resurrection of the dream that has been in my heart just about all my life to be at sea. God has put these desires in my heart, and I believe He wants to bless them. He has put many desires in my heart, and I know that they are there for a purpose, and He desires to bless His children.

"Do you love me?

I love God. Or at least I try to love God. Well I want to Love God. I Do Love Him. At the end of the day, I do love Him. I fall short of living for Him the way I want to, but at the end of the day I do love Him. Jesus asked Peter, "Simon son of John do you Love me?" (John 21:17) Peter replied "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you." I am here in my prayers a lot. "God you know that I love you... I want to love you more... I want to know you, I want to walk with you, I want to be with you. I need you..." I love being in worship... in fact there's probably nothing in this world I love more. So it frustrates me so much when I look at the mediocrity in my disciplines... It can be the smallest things. I hear god speak so clearly, so often. Even about little things... Weather or not I should go to Tim Hortons and buy a coffee. But why is it that if I can hear the God of Heaven speak to ME clearly... "Jacob, you don't need that coffee... I want to teach you to be more financially responsible. I will provide for your needs. Trust me." Why is it that if I can hear him say that, I decide that in reality it doesn't matter, it just costs $1.49 and I think I can afford it, and I want it, that I try to ignore God and get the coffee? Does coffee taste that good that it is worth forsaking the God of Heaven for one cupfull? Is it worth it for all the coffee in the World? NO!!!!! It's not. I know it's not. I try to justify what I want however I think I can justify it so I can go on doing what I want to. Why should I expect God to trust me to be faithfull as a shepherd of His sheep if He can't even trust me with $1.45? Even the person in Jesus' parable who was blasted as an unfaithfull servant at least still had the one coin he had been entrusted with. He'd made no interest on it but at least he had what he started with. He didn't have to explain to his boss that, "Well, it really was good coffee..." But before I get carried away with this, I'm not trying to condemn myself or anyone for drinking coffee. I'm just looking at my disciplines and I see a big discrepancy between where I see myself and where I want to be and where I feel God wants me to be. I'm addicted to pleasure. Nice cars, fast computers, eating out... And none of those in and of themselves are sinful. They only become sinful when God says no and I say "ahh, it'll be okay..." I was praying about buying a new computer the other day and I actually really felt God opened the door for it and spoke pretty clearly that I needed to go ahead and do that. And it was kind of funny because I am already in debt and my mind was saying no, don't do it, cant afford it... I said to God "Well is this the best use of my finances? What about all the poor people in Africa?" It was funny because I actually heard Him say "Yeah but you wouldn't give it to Africa anyways." Well, what can you say? He knows me. I'm all for missions and do give to missions, aid etc, but in truth I don't think I've ever given anything for anyone in Africa. I know the needs there are phenominal, but there has been other missions, people etc I've been connected with and have given to both at home and overseas. It's funny though. God does know us.

U Suk!!!

I really suk at fasting. Just thought I'd mention that.