Crisel, Micha, Joy and I

Crisel, Micha, Joy and I
My family!

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Faith

I love writing. I do not do it near often enough, but when I do it is so good to get my thoughts out on paper (Or a screen, I guess). I just finished an email to a good friend and writing down my situation really helped me to see it clearer. I'm still not sure what I will do, but I see it clearer now, and that is a good step. I was writing about how I have found God's provision for the things I have needed, and really the bottom line is that God is faithful. I may be in over my head, but I'm not in over His. I'm planning on going down to Louisiana next month, not for excitement, not for adventure, not to avoid the harsh Winnipeg winter, Not even to work on the ships. All those factors will be there, with their trials as well, but I am going because I believe the Lord has said "GO". I believe this is what I was made for. To walk in obedience to His Holy Spirit. I have enjoyed my life in Winnipeg, and there are people there whom I love very deeply. But I was created to hear God's voice, and follow Him. If He says, "It's time to serve again with Friendships in Louisiana", then it's with excitement that I go. I know it will be hard in some ways. I do not doubt that. There's people I will miss deeply, and those who will miss me. But I want to be, and I know I need to be in the centre of God's will for this season of my life. I don't know how this will work financially or logistically. I'll sell what I can or have to to cover what I can, but I know it's bigger than what my hands can provide. But I have learned that if God gives us a vision, He also gives us the provision. I have seen this true so many times in so many ways. Through jobs, through gifts from others, through money appearing in my bank account or even just finding it, God has provided. And so now, If He's saying go, and this soon, I can only look to Him to provide, and show me how to work out the details that I can work out.

Do Not Worry...

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in Heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. " "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Matthew 6:19-21, 25-27

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Searching for New Horizons...

I wrote this a few days ago... Jesus and I were at the top of the mast, searching the Horizon. The wind was blowing gently in my face and though there were storms coming, He would be there with me through it. There was this immense sense of peace, and He said that He loved me. We were searching for new Horizons... I was at the helm, a big old ships wheel in my hands, The wind was blowing, and we were facing East, into the weather, and there was this look of peace on my face... The compass card was spinning, but slowly it was settling to a course. Of course, a compass card does not spin, it points to magnetic north, it is actually the ship which spins around the stable compass card as she changes headings... My dream, the foc'sle deck, the gleaming paint, the wind, the spray, the sunshine, the rugged beauty of islands we were passing to Starboard, and the absolutely immense sense of being right in the palm of God's hand... in that moment, on that deck, feeling more at peace than I can ever remember in my life. The name of the ship was Anastasis, greek for resurrection... Resurection of a dream? For as long as I can remember, people have shared words or pictures they felt the Lord gave them for me, and It always seems the central theme is me on a ship... sails, masts, binnacles, helms, the gentle wind... often there was a storm coming or going, but always this sence of peace. I am not surprised but rather encouraged by the fact that these visions have come from several different people over a period of months- perhaps the whole last year or so, plus my vivid dream, but also the dream in my heart... the one that never leaves... To worship the Lord, sailing the seas. Why do I doubt??? What Am I waiting for? This is what I was made for... In the dream that was the sense I had out there on deck... just the overwhelming sense this is what I was made for. I've known that for a long time I think but not recognized it... I got myself so busy trying to help those around me that I just ended up getting burned out; bitter and angry. I'm a sailor, I need to be at sea, but I am also a witness of the grace and the Lordship of Jesus Christ, called to be a minister of His gospel... Not a preacher perhaps but in there somewhere. I know the ships which I'm called to are not the Merchant Navy, but God's Navy. I guess it's all I've ever known in the maritime service sence, But that's where God led me in 1997, 2000, 2001, 2005, and now 2007 and I really believe He's calling me back to Him on the sea. To His service in His Navy!!! A state of the art spiritual battleship disguised as a 63 year old WWII cargo ship. But you know, as I weigh it all, here and now, I know there's nowhere I'd rather be... It will be hard, I know that. I will have to do things I won't want to do, I know that too, It will be hot with little relief, I will probably never be rolling in cash, but it will be good, because The Lord is my provider, Jehova- Jireh. The Lord is my shepherd. The Lord is my strength and my shield and my rear guard. I honestly have no idea how He will provide the finances I will need to get out of debt and go down there, But I believe He is the one who has planted this vision, this burning in my heart. And If the Lord gives the vision, He will also provide the provision. I know that. It's a part of who He is. What that will look like? I don't know, what's down the road, I don't know that either, but He is getting me back into the palm of His hand, and that excites me more than anything I know. There is no God like Jehova!!! 2026, Friday Aug 3rd 2007,

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

August

August... Hmm. Well that was fast. The summer here's great, but after August is September, when I'm supposed to be going down to Louisiana again to volunteer with Friendships http://www.friendships.org That's fine and exciting, In many ways I'm very much looking forward to it. In the practical sense, though, I'm not sure I'm ready. I feel as though I'm just taking off again, dropping everything, and going back to working on the ships, which basically would not be far from the truth... Except I don't feel I should do it that way. I need to plan this better, to finish this season well. Which has several factors, Relational, practical and financial. All of which are serious and important. Relational wise, I have a lot of very good friends here whom I love, some of whom depend on me in various ways. I don't want for a second to take that lightly or ever brush anyone off. Relating to those around us in a Godly and loving way is a central theme to Jesus' teaching and to my life. But having said that, the most important thing by far is to be listening to God's voice and obidient to do what He wants me to do, go where He wants me to go and be whom He is calling me to be. Looking back over my life I have always been a sort of nomad in a sense, close to those around me, but able to travel quickly and adapt to the situation and the needs around me. I have always joked that my home is wherever my car is parked, though often I have lived on ships also in various ports, ancorages or seas. I do adapt pretty quick and I love that life in many ways. In the practical sense, I have a lot of stuff I need to either get rid of, store or take with me. Since I don't really have any long range plan other than going back to volunteer on the ships, I'm not excited about storing stuff I won't be taking, but I'm also not excited to get rid of things I've spent the last however many years collecting so I can have a decent life ie. cars, microwave, tv, books, tools etc. etc. etc. The stuff really has cost a lot over the years and the cost wouldn't likely come close to being recovered. And then there's the financial end. I'm way in debt and I have no savings. I have a great job that I more or less enjoy, and a lot more seniority than I had before, so financially speaking quitting to go volunteer for no pay in another country sounds nuts. I guess some people have always thought I was sort of nuts, which is fine. My only real desire is to follow Christ with my whole heart, my life and all that I have. I have been in a lot of situations where I've felt God's direction to quit my job and go to sea or somewhere anyways, and He has always abundantly provided for my needs through a myriad of ways. I do not doubt His ability to provide. Nor do I doubt that the ways of God can seem foolishness to man. If it is His will for me to go back to Friendships or anywhere else, I know He will cover my needs. But I guess That is my basic hesitancy... Is God saying to do this, or am I bored with doing the same sorts of things day in and day out and just want to go back to the action and excitement of serving God in frontline missions on cool old cargo ships going to new places. I know that either decision will mean sacrifice, and both will have trials and joys. But I guess my biggest fear is not being who and where God wants me. But another fear is drifting into mediocrity, living for the sake of making money, spending it, making more, spending that etc. That life, has never brought me much joy. I like the things I've been able to buy, like anyone else, but it never satisfies. It's like a lyric to a song I wrote last year "Use me Lord, or take me out, for what else can I give but me." I mean that in the deepest way, I don't want to live just to support the Matrix, so to speak. I want to be the man God is calling me to be, or catch the next train out. I don't see much point in anything else. If that posting is in Winnipeg doing what I'm doing, then I want to stay, being obedient to God's will for my life, whatever that entails, and with whomever He leads me to be with. Bus driving, guitar playing or whatever. But if, for one more season, that is back on the sea, or wherever else, well then, I want to finish this season well, to the Glory of God and the blessing of everyone I know here, and then move on, as He leads me. Amen. I love your prayers. If anyone has any thoughts or a word they believe is from the Lord, please do not hesitate to email me or reply to this blog .