August

August... Hmm. Well that was fast. The summer here's great, but after August is September, when I'm supposed to be going down to Louisiana again to volunteer with Friendships http://www.friendships.org That's fine and exciting, In many ways I'm very much looking forward to it. In the practical sense, though, I'm not sure I'm ready. I feel as though I'm just taking off again, dropping everything, and going back to working on the ships, which basically would not be far from the truth... Except I don't feel I should do it that way. I need to plan this better, to finish this season well. Which has several factors, Relational, practical and financial. All of which are serious and important. Relational wise, I have a lot of very good friends here whom I love, some of whom depend on me in various ways. I don't want for a second to take that lightly or ever brush anyone off. Relating to those around us in a Godly and loving way is a central theme to Jesus' teaching and to my life. But having said that, the most important thing by far is to be listening to God's voice and obidient to do what He wants me to do, go where He wants me to go and be whom He is calling me to be. Looking back over my life I have always been a sort of nomad in a sense, close to those around me, but able to travel quickly and adapt to the situation and the needs around me. I have always joked that my home is wherever my car is parked, though often I have lived on ships also in various ports, ancorages or seas. I do adapt pretty quick and I love that life in many ways. In the practical sense, I have a lot of stuff I need to either get rid of, store or take with me. Since I don't really have any long range plan other than going back to volunteer on the ships, I'm not excited about storing stuff I won't be taking, but I'm also not excited to get rid of things I've spent the last however many years collecting so I can have a decent life ie. cars, microwave, tv, books, tools etc. etc. etc. The stuff really has cost a lot over the years and the cost wouldn't likely come close to being recovered. And then there's the financial end. I'm way in debt and I have no savings. I have a great job that I more or less enjoy, and a lot more seniority than I had before, so financially speaking quitting to go volunteer for no pay in another country sounds nuts. I guess some people have always thought I was sort of nuts, which is fine. My only real desire is to follow Christ with my whole heart, my life and all that I have. I have been in a lot of situations where I've felt God's direction to quit my job and go to sea or somewhere anyways, and He has always abundantly provided for my needs through a myriad of ways. I do not doubt His ability to provide. Nor do I doubt that the ways of God can seem foolishness to man. If it is His will for me to go back to Friendships or anywhere else, I know He will cover my needs. But I guess That is my basic hesitancy... Is God saying to do this, or am I bored with doing the same sorts of things day in and day out and just want to go back to the action and excitement of serving God in frontline missions on cool old cargo ships going to new places. I know that either decision will mean sacrifice, and both will have trials and joys. But I guess my biggest fear is not being who and where God wants me. But another fear is drifting into mediocrity, living for the sake of making money, spending it, making more, spending that etc. That life, has never brought me much joy. I like the things I've been able to buy, like anyone else, but it never satisfies. It's like a lyric to a song I wrote last year "Use me Lord, or take me out, for what else can I give but me." I mean that in the deepest way, I don't want to live just to support the Matrix, so to speak. I want to be the man God is calling me to be, or catch the next train out. I don't see much point in anything else. If that posting is in Winnipeg doing what I'm doing, then I want to stay, being obedient to God's will for my life, whatever that entails, and with whomever He leads me to be with. Bus driving, guitar playing or whatever. But if, for one more season, that is back on the sea, or wherever else, well then, I want to finish this season well, to the Glory of God and the blessing of everyone I know here, and then move on, as He leads me. Amen. I love your prayers. If anyone has any thoughts or a word they believe is from the Lord, please do not hesitate to email me or reply to this blog .